i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
