She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
