I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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