i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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