I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
