dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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