i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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