he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
