I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When are your genitals available?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
