we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
