um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
