why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just high enough for therapy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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