my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
