idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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