I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
