Where is the hickey?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
