I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
