he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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