I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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