Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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