If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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