I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
