I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
