My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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