Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
