someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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