omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's rum buckets o'clock
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
