i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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