like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
