Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
