I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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