I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
