We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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