I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
