i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
