margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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