i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
