If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
