so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
