Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
