I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
