You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
