I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
