Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
