Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
