A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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