he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
