Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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