Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
