I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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