Say something about gay babies.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
