We won't sleep together?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
