I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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