I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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