I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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