so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
