dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
