Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
