No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
