dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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