I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
