All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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